Breakup coaching for the first weeks
You’re here because something changed.
You read the messages again. You wonder whether to reach out. BackTogether reads your actual relationship and tells you straight what to do next — a plan, whatever the answer is.
Free, about six minutes, no sign-up. If the honest answer is to move on, we will say so.
The question underneath everything
Is your relationship still salvageable?
Answer a few questions about your breakup, your relationship and what has happened since. We will identify the dynamic you are in, what may still be recoverable, and the mistakes most likely to push them further away.
Free, about six minutes, no sign-up.
Recognition
One message from fear.
Four from panic.
Thirty-nine minutes. Five messages. Each one pushed a little harder, and the space they asked for got smaller.
- Anxiety
- Pursuit
- Pressure
- Distance
An illustrative exchange, not a real conversation. If it reads like one you have had, the assessment below will feel familiar too.
10:42 PM
11:06 PM
11:07 PM
11:08 PM
11:21 PM
Why did they take four hours to reply
when they used to answer immediately?
The question that starts the decoding. It feels like information. It is the loop.
You start looking for answers everywhere.
- Seen 2h ago
- Story viewed
- Following 824 → 825
- Last active 11:42 PM
None of it is data.
All of it feels like data.
The cycle
The pursue–withdraw loop.
Not a character flaw. A mechanism. It runs on its own, faster each lap, until someone steps out of it.
The way out is not pushing harder. It is understanding the loop first.
You feel the distance.
You seek reassurance.
They feel pressure.
They withdraw further.
Your anxiety increases.
…and the loop runs again, a little tighter than before.
What the science says
Research explains the mechanism.
Living it teaches you the way out.
This is not our method talking. It is what published studies on breakups, attachment and recovery actually found. Our work is turning these findings into a plan for your situation.
1 in 5
adults is anxiously attached — the pattern that panics and over-pursues. You are not broken; you are common.
Hazan & Shaver, 1987 →More distress
people who keep monitoring their ex on social networks show measurably more breakup distress, longing and less personal growth.
Marshall, 2012 →Contact delays
in a 28-day daily-diary study, staying in contact with an ex slowed the decline of love and sadness.
Sbarra & Emery, 2005 →Rumination
people who ruminate about the breakup recover significantly slower — the slow-recovery groups differed from the resilient ones on exactly that.
Verhallen et al., 2022 →It is trainable
deliberately reminding yourself of the ex’s negative traits reduced love feelings — regulation of the feeling works, and can be practiced.
Langeslag & Sanchez, 2018 →Own your part
people who own their share of the breakup adjust better — but only when it comes with self-compassion, not harsh self-blame.
Zhang & Chen, 2017 →Every figure on this page comes from published research — the links go to PubMed or the journal. They describe what those studies found, not our own results. We are new: when we have real satisfaction data of our own, it goes here. Not before.
The way out
You cannot jump the line. But the line exists.
- 01
Panic
Where you are now. Nothing to fix here but the pace.
- 02
Understand
See the dynamic and your patterns, in plain words.
- 03
Stabilize
Stop the reactive moves. Get your footing back.
- 04
Rebuild
Sleep, focus, confidence, the life outside the relationship.
- 05
Reconnect
Only if it is healthy and mutual. Sometimes the honest end is a good life without them.
The offer
Stop reacting. Get a plan.
Everything stays private, and you can delete it at any time.
Free
Take the assessment
37 questions, roughly six minutes, no sign-up.
Free
Read your Analysis
The dynamic, your patterns, and three mistakes to avoid now.
€19.90 once
Get the Full Report
Your next move, its reasons, and a personalized 30-day plan.
€14.90/month
Keep the Coach
It remembers your timeline. A steady answer at 2am, not another spiral.
What the Coach sounds like
It does not talk you out of anything. It talks you through it.
Sample
Don’t text yet.
Your urge to reach out is being driven by uncertainty, not by new information. Give it tonight. Here is what to do instead…
Sample
Your current dynamic
High pursuit
Low reciprocity
Rising anxiety
Next priority: stop the cycle. The plan starts exactly there.
When you are ready, you can add your WhatsApp or text history and the read is based on how the communication actually changed. Patterns only, deleted after 30 days, and no one gets diagnosed.
The Coach
You don’t have to make the next move alone.
Something happens — a message, a story view, a bad night. You send it over, and you get a steady read instead of a 2am spiral.
Included with the Coach at €14.90/month. The Full Report at €19.90 is one-time and covers the plan on its own.
Sample exchange, to show the voice
“Don’t react yet. A reply sent in the first hour is sent by the anxiety, not by you. Wait until tomorrow morning, and we will decide together what yours says.”
Sample answer, not a real reply.
Why this exists
I built this because I lived it.
“I thought that if I showed her how much I cared, she would feel closer. It did the opposite.”
I was anxiously attached in a relationship I deeply cared about. When I felt her pulling away, I invested more: more messages, more attention, more effort. The distance grew anyway. Eventually, she left.
I have a doctorate in psychology. It still took me two relationships to admit that knowing the science means nothing while the panic is making the decisions.
Two relationships, ruined the same way: in the moment, my impulses always outran my strategy. I could name the pattern in a paper — and still send the 1 a.m. text.
Only months later could I see the pursue–withdraw cycle I had been trapped in. So I went back to attachment theory and behavioral psychology — this time for myself — and I worked on myself until it stopped running me.
Then I helped friends through the same thing: the panic, the over-texting, the big decisions made dysregulated. Same patterns, every time. Those experiences became this product.
Getting your ex back cannot be the first objective. Getting yourself back has to be.
Everything here stands on science that already exists: attachment theory, communication research, behavioral psychology. Nothing mystical, nothing invented. For some situations, personal one-to-one accompaniment is also available on request.
You came here because you want your ex back.
We are going to help you get yourself back first.
Then we will figure out what comes next. With a plan, whatever the answer is.
Okay. Stop panicking.
Your next move matters. Take it with a plan.
Free to start, five to seven minutes, no sign-up.